Sometimes it is not the days that I expect to miss Ray that I really miss him, it is other days, days that don't seem on their face as monumental, but are.
I am prepared that Ray will not be there for his birthday, for example, but I forget to be prepared for other smaller events.
Today was our neighborhood Halloween party, and as I got the girls ready, I thought, wait, who do I show them to? And then Ray's absence seemed so large. And I missed him as I walked through the doors, and as I sat with the other moms and dads and watched the girls.
Later in the afternoon, it was Nora's last soccer game for the outdoor season. Lucy is fighting a cold so I waited until the last second to get her up from her nap and out the door. And all the way to the game she coughed and coughed. When we arrived, I told Nora I'd have to miss the game because I couldn't have Lucy outside in the cold, thinking I should probably take her to the doctor instead.
But then the sun came out and Barbie Nutcracker went on in the car and I got to coach Nora's last game.
If only I could summon Ray's help whenever I need it. But today, he was there.
"If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:8-10
not alone and not afraid --