This time of year always has special significance for me. It was just around Memorial Day that Ray was diagnosed with cancer. I'll never forget -- we were at Nora's graduation from preschool and Ray was just back from some tests -- it was before the specter of cancer was even on our landscape, but I was worried. And he came back from the tests, and he looked fine!! And we went to the graduation. And when I watch the video from that day I hear his regular old voice. And then everything changed.
I'll go to Lucy's graduation from preschool this week. The same playground. A different world.
We've been SO busy this spring with soccer. SO busy! Four teams between the girls, our weekends sometimes have seven soccer games. It is insanely busy, we run from one to the next.
This weekend is the end of soccer for Lucy and Maggie, Nora has a few more weeks. I realized tonight as things slowed, how much being busy is easier for me.
It is the slow times, the times when we are sitting in the backyard eating and the girls begin to play, that I really miss Ray. What would it have been like to sit in the backyard together and watch the girls? There are so many things that we just never did. Or didn't do enough. I can hardly remember what it was like to have him as a companion on this journey. And I miss it.
I hope and pray for slow times this summer. YES. We will fill it up with swim team! And t-ball for Lucy! And everything else. But I also pray for slow times. And the strength and courage and peace to enjoy them even missing Ray.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you." John 14:27
not alone and not afraid -