I'm taking a class at church and during the class we reflect on the week's readings. A few weeks ago we reflected on a reading that spoke of the fact that God uses those who are weak, not those who are strong; foolish, not wise; to show that HE is responsible for the good, the wisdom, the strength in this world. The reading from Corinthians went on to say that "God chose the lowly and despised of the world, those who count for nothing, to reduce to noting those that are something, so that no human being might boast before God... so that it is written "whoever boasts, should boast in the Lord."
Our leaders asked what we thought of when we read these verses and I thought it sounded a lot like my life.
One of the things that is so unfathomable about our story is that it seemed like we had a lot more power to do good before. First, there were two of us, me plus Ray. And second, to phrase it in the words of this verse, we were "something." Not that we were anything powerful, but it seemed as if we were in a place where we were much more capable of doing a whole lot more.
In addition to losing Ray here, losing his human presence, a lot more has changed. I am nothing of what I was before. Such an event, is so person-altering. My understanding of the world, of God, of our place in the world. To say nothing of the fact that my life now bears so little similarity to my life before. How I spend my time, on what, with whom. It is all different.
In many ways my life has boiled down to two areas. But two areas that are very much alive. My girls. My faith.
So today, what I pour my energy and attention into are things that touch those areas. And thus, the way I impact the world, the people I touch, relate to those things. Far different than before, and I think one might say, in the eyes of the world, far smaller.
Last night I taught my daughter's religion class at my house. The nine little second graders filed in, and we studied the importance of scripture. Something that I well know. I didn't share with this class how, when I look at the blog from when Ray was sick, how what stands out to me, are the verses. How, even now, I am uplifted, just reading them. Knowing their strength, their hope, in those times when I could barely stand. I didn't share that with my second graders. But that perspective is in my heart. And as I talked to them, those days, that strength of scripture came across.
Our parent volunteer commented after the lesson. Wow, you are really connecting with those kids. They are really learning something. It's really inspiring.
And really, for all the energy I spent before, for all those much wider circles, what could possibly be more important than this?
To me, there is really only one response. TO. GOD. BE. THE. GLORY.
not alone and not afraid --
"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24