Loved Ones,
Happy Birthday Ray!
Today caught me by surprise. It’s been so long that Ray’s
been gone that I don’t expect a strongly emotional reaction from myself. The
power of time I think.
I always want to honor Ray and mark the day in a special way so I
went to my computer to find a picture to post for his birthday. I was looking
through all my computer files, all named and arranged by Ray, and came upon the
file he had for pictures of himself with the girls.
Love Without End.
And just like that, it broke my heart.
At the beginning with
the grief, my grief was not just for myself and the girls and our loss of Ray.
It was for Ray’s loss of us. The pain of that was so great and so deep for him
and it was all there in “Love Without End.”
These days my emotional connection to Ray's pain is less. I feel
his pain hardly at all. But looking at that file, it was all there. His deep
grief that he just wanted to live and be with his girls. That he wanted them to
remember him. That he loved them so much.
And yet. He was right that his love was a love without end.
Just last weekend Nora was battling a tough fight on the soccer field. Her challenge,
not just to play well, but to earn her coach’s trust.
One of the hard things about Ray not being here with us on
earth is that sometimes when one of my kids needs me, so does the other.
It was Lucy’s turn for me to watch her game, not Nora so she
went alone. When it came time for her game to start, though she was in a
different city, Maggie, Lucy and I in our car prayed hard for Nora.
I asked her to feel us by her side and her dad too. I asked
for all the help that he could give her and that in the end, that when she
succeeded, all the glory would go to God.
I got a text a few minutes after Nora got on the field, that
she had scored a goal.
Prayer answered.
I was not surprised. I call on Ray sometimes when the
strength of my mothering is just not enough. I don’t know what things are like in
heaven but I am never disappointed and the reliability and power often brings
me to tears.
In that spirit, I will paste the lyrics that I can still
hear Ray and the girls singing.
“Let me tell you a secret about a father's love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
He said daddies don't just love their children every now and
then
It's a love without end, Amen, it's a love without end,
Amen.”
not alone and not afraid –
kristin
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of
the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even
Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how
God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown
into the fire, will he not much more clothe you” Mathew 6:28-30
