Happy Birthday Ray!

Loved Ones,

This would be Ray’s 48^th birthday. This year he would be the father of two teens and one almost-teen. 

One of the hardest things about losing Ray was that we lost him so early. The girls don’t know what he would have been like as a dad that introduces himself to their Homecoming dates, tells them what not to wear, teaches them to drive, visits prospective colleges.

None of us truly know what it would have been like, but I know the most about the things Ray would have brought to their life.

I loved dating Ray. We went to the theater, we played games, we danced, we dined, we traveled.

I have tried to bring them what I know Ray would want. I would not stop until I got them to Paris!

However, I can be super practical. The extraordinary gesture is more him than I.

This birthday I bought them tickets to Hamilton!

Their dad was lavish in his love and care.

I wish so much that they could know this in their hearts. That they had one dance with their dad. That they heard his jokes! His laugh! I know he would buy them roses on their sixteenth, patiently teach them to drive, have more inside jokes than they can imagine, watch Sox games, and yes, go to the theater.

I can’t wait to surprise them with the tickets for Thanksgiving weekend in his honor.

May they feel his love and care in their hearts.

not alone and not afraid –

kristin

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

10 Years in Heaven

Loved Ones,

Today marked 10 years with Ray in Heaven.

We celebrated Ray all weekend, with a mass by Father Brankin, at an Irish bar, at the grave and with family meals.

It was so good to see our friends and family and celebrate Ray with them.

I've been writing Ray's story the last six month. It has connected us so deeply with Ray's struggle with cancer.

Though we always remember Ray, the stories we tell are usually about his humor and who he was before cancer. Going through all the memories has brought back how it felt to endure this very difficult journey.

Remembering this has brought new insights and renewed mission. Over Christmas we spent time at the same cancer ward that we spent that last Christmas with Ray. We made cards and delivered them to patients. I thought it would be terrible to connect to the struggle others are now facing. I felt glad. I felt glad to use those very hard memories to help others.

Being with those who face the threat of their very life, brings back just how inspirational Ray was as he coped with this same threat. Over time the things I say about him lose the freshness of that feeling. Writing the story and connecting with others in the same spot, brings it all back.

Ray really was this amazing. He really did deal with this incredibly sad loss with such grace, sacrifice, and acceptance. Without complaint. With God at his side.

I know this. I've known this. It has influenced so greatly my own path in going forward after losing him. But, it's good to have a fresh reminder, even for me. To remember this perspective. To remember how much we have with each day. To remember that he was blessed. And that we are. And to feel that, not with strife, but with love. In truth. To then use these gifts in love.

It's the task of life.

We remember all of you Ray. We remember your humor, your partnership, your kindness to others. But we especially your example. You set the bar really high. Right up to heaven.

You are in our hearts always.

not alone and not afraid -

kristin

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Mathew 5:2-10

"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." I John 3:18