Saturday, May 23, 2009

Memorial Day Weekend

Loved Ones,

With the memory of Ray's diagnosis the day after Memorial Day last year, I've dreaded this weekend. I so appreciate the many of you who appear to have conspired to keep us busy this weekend. That helps a lot.

The girls have prayed so much of late about cancer. Sparing us and others from cancer. Helping scientists to find a cure for cancer. Helping us not to die if we get cancer. We cannot know what the future holds! We are working on praying that God will always be near.

I find that the future feels so very tenuous. Knowing that it changes so quickly, I wonder that we will even experience it.

And, always on my mind is the fact that my dear husband did not get to do so. As we travel to my niece's softball game, as we plan cookouts on the Southside, the many things I seek out, things that he would have loved, because they make him seem so close, then I particularly feel the sadness that he cannot be with us. He would have loved to do all this. And he didn't get to!

And I go back to our prayers. That in the inexplicable, God will be near. That his love for us, will be as present as the love we've lost.

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus... let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith... Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:19, 22, 23

not alone and not afraid --


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Loved Ones,

Today marks the entrance to our cancer memories. It was this day, one year ago, that Ray came home so very white and tired from his trip to DC. Remarkably for me, it was only then that I put "burping" into google and came up with cancer. And so, from this day forward, what would actually become reality, was in my sights.

The next few weeks hold so many turning point memories. Ray's diagnosis. Ray's prognosis. The days that changed us all forever.

I do not want or like to look back on those memories, I will be glad to get into the summer where we have other better memories from the year before. However, in looking back, I am still so very grateful for your prayers. That carried us through those days. That strengthened our very cores. And, that help to carry us still, one year later.

Nora asked me tonight how many days of kindergarten Daddy was alive. And so we counted it out. And there were more days with Daddy here on earth than there were with him in heaven. Even this is a blessing, the proximity to the days that Ray was here.

We are grateful for your continued support, the friends who listen and listen, the cards and emails, the thoughts and prayers.

We are ever so grateful to our Saviour, always with us.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:28-31

not alone and not afraid --