Sunday, November 16, 2008

A Silent Night

Loved Ones,

I just sang Lucy to sleep with Silent Night, to find my real night silent, with Ray, Nora and Maggie all snoring in the girls' room.

We had fun with friends today watching the Bears game. Thank goodness for Chicago sports. There is always something to root for, though not always the winning team!

We have got to fatten Ray up! Calling all calories! If you have a good recipe, send it to me. The holidays could not be coming at a better time!

We are learning new things. I remember reflecting when Ray was diagnosed that I saw the world with different eyes. When I went to the grocery store I wanted to say: My husband has cancer. When I drove in the parking lot I wanted to roll down my window and say: My husband has cancer. When I walked with my carefree little girls I wanted to say: We are not what we seem. And here's the new eyes part: I wondered who around me did the same. Who appeared to be the room mother or teacher or soccer coach that faced sadness, grief, or uncertainty. How unaware I had been of the invisible suffering.

When you face or in my case, when your husband faces a life-threatening illness, there is a whole world of thoughts and emotions that lie underneath the regular day. On the good days, the thoughts are fleeting. On the harder days, they are inescapable.

This week has been a more difficult week.

We are grateful for our faith which strengthens our resolve to win the battle of anxiety vs. hope. We are thankful for your prayers and God's answers which bolster our endurance. We look with gladness on the fact that this journey has opened windows of compassion for others that before now were simply unknown.

We strive to embrace the future, rejoicing in hope, made possible only by our trust in God.

A friend sent this verse, noting that the Hebrew translation speaks of the future with such certainty that it is written as if the future has already occurred. A good verse for tonight.

"But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:5-6

not alone and not afraid --

kristin and ray