Saturday, January 21, 2017

Eight Years

Loved Ones -

How is it possible that it has been eight years since Ray went to heaven? All at once it seems so long and so short. 

I am so grateful for every memory of Ray. We went to Disney over break because Nora was playing in a tournament. Because we've only been there three times, the time with Ray just before Ray got sick, was still fresh in my mind. We would turn a corner and a memory that I hadn't thought of in years would pop up, and I would pass it on to the girls. I am so grateful for every sentence. Every glimpse. 

One of those memories is the memory of the inauguration just before he died. Of course, you all know that Ray loved politics. I remember asking him what he thought during that election. And he would say, it just doesn't matter. It was so hard to hear that because it was of such shared importance during our whole relationship. People ask me all the time what I think he would think about all that has transpired since then. I wish I knew!! It is one of the things I miss most about him being gone!!! I so wish I could ask him. The old him before he got sick, and the person with all perspective later. 

I didn't really have that perspective problem when the Cubs won. I was pretty sure I knew what his thoughts would be and the girls and I did our best to stay true!!

I remember thinking once when we were at the hospital, will I ever hold these painful times as dear, just because they were still with him? I think I have reached that time now. I will take any memory. They are all a connection to him. 

One of the quotes I love the most about Ray is this: "To know Ray, was to be his friend." Today the depth and breadth of that truth was so evident. I am so grateful for the love of all our friends and family who surrounded us in every way today. God's love and Ray's I can feel through all of you. 

not alone and not afraid --


"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Psalm 139:16

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