Thinking of Ray

Loved Ones,

Ray has been on our minds this week in many special ways.

On Tuesday we journeyed to Taylor University for the third annual Ray Fitzgerald Lectureship.  At the Lectureship, Dr. David Bjork spoke to the partnership of the Evangelical and Catholic Churches in making disciples of Christ.  It was a meaningful and inspiring evening.  Dr. Bjork, who knew Ray and I when we lived in D.C., was a fantastic speaker for the event.  We are very excited at the progress that was made in educating Taylor students and others about the Catholic Church and our mission of encouraging partnerships.

Just last night the girls and I went to the White Sox game in Ray's honor, a gift of the Family Lives on Foundation.  Last year we were connected with this neat group that helps families celebrate the birthday of their loved one, doing something special that they did together.  My girls were interviewed and they told about Nora's trip to the White Sox game with Ray, along with times that they watched the Incredibles together and ate Sour Patch Kids.

A week ago a package arrived for us with White Sox tickets, sour patch kids and an Incredibles ornament.

And so we set off to the White Sox game with Ray in our hearts.

I wondered what the night would hold?  Beyond our memories and thoughts, would we feel a connection to Ray in a special way?

We headed out from soccer with just enough time to make it to the game.  When we arrived, we went about the process of selecting our brats and popcorn and finding our seats.  Just as we sat down, the White Sox hit a homerun and fireworks went off.  I wasn't quite able to concentrate as the girls were still settling in, but the Sox immediately hit ANOTHER homerun and we all watched the beautiful fireworks.

After a bit of time, we got up to get some sweet treats and then returned to our seats.  Again, immediately as we sat down, the Sox hit a homerun, followed by fireworks.

I do not know the nature of angels and what they can do to keep us safe and assure us of their love and presence.

But I do know this.  If it was within his power, our White Sox loving angel would do everything he could to assure us of his loving presence and further, ensure that his girls continued to be White Sox fans, by setting off fireworks and being sure that his girls enjoyed their game, while thinking of him.

We got your message Ray!

not alone and not afraid,

kristin

"And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things." 2 Peter 1:14-16

First Day of School

Loved Ones,

It's the end of an era today.  For much of the last 11 years I have had a child at my side.  The last few with Lucy who my friends called a little monkey I would swing up on my hip.

Today all my girls go to school all day.

I'm one of those moms that hates this day!  For all the moms at the bus stop who cheer, I am the one with tears.

Last night I cleaned and packed lunches and straightened and set out clothes and set alarms and when I finally dropped in bed I felt sadness.  I didn't want to take the next step!

It reminds me of when I took Nora to day care for the very first time.  I prepared and labeled all of her stuff and got through those first three days to decide that I hated it!  I hated leaving my child!  I did it long enough to be sure that I wanted to quit and then I embraced mommy-hood.

What a joy and a privilege to be a mom.  To be entrusted with those lives, those souls, those spirits.

My beautiful girls are growing up so quickly.  Of course they are ready!  The last days of the "Mommy/Lucy club" are over, and all three are so excited for their wonderful teachers -- happiness all around.

Still.  Like so many times in my life, I wish I could turn back the clock.  I am grateful for each day I enjoyed with each girl.  I am grateful for the chance to celebrate and navigate the challenges and the joys of each stage and each day.  I wouldn't trade it and I'll always cherish it.

I am very grateful for the fact that I planned for this day and as my kids took steps forward I did too!

But I will always miss them at my side.

Happy fall.  Happy back to school.

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

Father's Day 2013

Loved Ones,

I hate it that it's been so long since I updated the blog!

So much has happened, the girls continue to grow and grow!  They are beautiful soccer players and students.  It is a joy to watch them grow.  I am so proud of them.

And they are proud of their mom!  This spring I was elected to the School Board in Naperville.  The girls were tireless campaigners and we are all excited for this new chapter.

We continue to remember Ray!  This spring so many events have commemorated Ray's life and legacy.

Most recently, we went to Washington D.C. for the Ray Fitzgerald Charity Classic Softball Tournament hosted by the Illinois Congressional Delegation.  It was a great day -- around 95 people attended and we had fun playing softball and raising money for cancer research.  Ray would have loved that day!

The Monday afterward, the girls and I participated in the first ever Stomach Cancer Advocacy Day on Capitol Hill!  28 stomach cancer patients and families participated in this event -- all together we met with 57 offices and we are working to send a letter to the National Cancer Institute to ask for more research for stomach cancer.  This was a rewarding day.  Since Ray died, I have been working to transmit the message that this deadly cancer is growing in young people.  Nothing more effectively communicates that message than the young people themselves going to Congress and telling their stories.

In April, we went to Taylor for the Second Ray Fitzgerald Lectureship, where I gave the keynote speech, continuing to lay the foundation for Evangelical and Catholic partnerships to serve the world.  We had great student participation and we are all looking forward to the third event, scheduled for September 24!

Also in April, the girls and I went to Brother Rice High School, Ray's alma mater, to throw out the first pitch for a varsity baseball game.  That was also a moving day - we were touched by the baseball players and coaching staff who honored Ray in this way. 

I continue to be asked to tell Ray's story and witness to the way that God continues to take care of our family.  And I continue to be grateful for God's hand in this way.

It's Father's Day so we always miss Ray on this day.  Our neighborhood hosts a little fishing tournament for Dads and kids.  We participated in this tournament a few times when the girls were little -- how we all wish that Ray was still here to fish with the girls.  They would no doubt be competitively working to win the tournament with a large number of fish.

We are grateful for our family.  In so many ways they help us to manage all of the tasks of a super busy family with only one parent present.  Ray would be grateful we know and I am grateful for their help.

We think of Ray on this day and our prayer is that he knows how much we still remember and celebrate him always.  We are all blessed from the years that he was here to be a Father to the girls and a loving husband to me.  We wish it was longer!  But we are changed from his presence and we are grateful for the time we had.

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27

January 21, 2013 -- Four Years

Loved Ones,

Today was the fourth anniversary of Ray's death.  Like the Olympics, the Inaugeration provides a snapshot of our life in four year increments.  12 years ago we had just gotten married and went to the Illinois Inaugeral Gala.  8 years ago I was pregnant with Maggie and we went to the Inaugeral Gala.  Four years ago, it was the day before Ray died.  And today, his four year anniversary.

The normalcy of the first two followed by the unthinkable nature of the third, and then today.

We never know the road our life will take.  And thank goodness for that sometimes.

Our road today is marked with friends.  You are them.  And while we would never choose this road, we are glad for your presence on it.  We are grateful for God's blessing and faithfulness to us even on this road.  And we are grateful to you for your tremendous love and support over the last four years.

We reflect on Ray's life today with JOY for the impact he made on the world while he was here and for the fact that the mark he made continues to be a legacy today.  We are grateful to you who hold up Ray's legacy.  Each person who mentions him, who does something in his memory, who honors him, we treasure those things in our hearts.

Ray, we remember you today!  We will never forget you!  And we will always be grateful for your life with us here on earth!

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19

Christmas 2012

Loved Ones --

It's hard to say which day I miss Ray the most, but Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are good bets.
When that first Christmas rolled around I talked on the phone to my mom the whole time I wrapped gifts.  The second one I just couldn't face and my cousin helped me wrap a few days before.  This time I was alone.  Oh I know that there are so many people alone!  Ray could be here and be in bed!!  And I would be up by myself!  But that wasn't how it was and it wasn't how I wish for it to be.

Our Nora was Mary in the Christmas pageant today.  We've come a long way from sitting in the crying room at Tommy More on Christmas Eve!  Nora said to me, "I've wanted to be Mary since I was in pre-school."  Oh the dear!  Our sweet sports loving Nora in her Christmas dress with her Mary costume holding that beautiful baby Jesus.  An angel.  With an angel for an audience.

This December has been a whirlwind.  There was that extra week between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Why not fill it with a Washington trip -- cancer lobbying and visiting the White House all decorated for Christmas?!  It was a lovely trip.  Our Shimkus family got us right in to see the beautiful decorations and we loved it.  I wish the cancer research lobbying went as smoothly!!  Without a doubt I will persevere however!

Between the trip, my run for school board (Vote April 9!) and many many other activities December was filled to over-flowing.  If you know me well, you know of my Christmas chain, our December advent calendar of sorts, with a Christmas activity written on a chain link each day.  This year, even the chain went by the wayside on many a day.  Which says it all right there.  We kept that chain up every single day Ray was in the hospital that year!  This is the first time in my life as a mother that I have not kept up!

So as school came to a close, we holed up in the house and did all those things we didn't do this month.  We did all our crafts, we did our baking, we did our Christmas for animals.  The girls, like little sponges, soaking up all the traditions, all the anticipation for today.  And I was so relieved!  Redemption!  Not a perfect December.  Not the kind of December I want to give the girls.  But.  We continue to work together to make this all work, no matter how hard it is!

It's not a perfect Christmas.  Not a perfect anything.  But all of us, striving so hard to make beauty in brokenness.

More days like this I pray.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Christ has come!

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

“For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."  Isaiah 9:6

Post Script

Loved Ones,

Tonight I spoke before a gathering of International representatives from the Vatican Council on Christian Unity and the World Evangelical Alliance about the Ray Fitzgerald Lectureship.

It was a beautiful night, blessed with many prayers and God's presence.  These scholars, dedicated to Christian unity, heard Ray's story and the vision of the Lectureship named in his honor.

I continue to be grateful to God for the evidence of his plan.  Ray's life and death, his faith in Christ and our faith together, continue to inspire the world.

I was telling Maggie about it and she said, did those people know Daddy?  And I said, THEY DO NOW.

Ray you continue to live on in this work.  Your life and your faith continue to inspire people you never even knew until now.  I am proud and inspired by your legacy!!

As we celebrated Ray's birthday with his family we participated in a mass in his honor at St. Thomas More Church.  The priest gave an impassioned homily about the Vice Presidential debate and the impact of faith on politics, he quoted from the candidate's words about abortion.  The girls eyes were wide, as they had watched the full debate with me a few nights earlier.  No one would have liked that homily more than Ray.

In these ways too, Ray lives on.

He lives on as the girls and I watch the debates, as I teach them about politics, as they continue to learn about their dad's impact through politics and most importantly through faith.

Like the Olympics, the Presidential Election is another every four years occurance.  We voted last time with Ray.  We did a mock election with Nora's kindergarten play group.

How grateful I am to spend four years with my girls.  How grateful I am to be able to watch the debates with them.  How grateful I am to be able to strengthen their faith as their dad did mine.

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

"I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one." John 17:11

Happy Birthday Ray

Loved Ones,

Today would be Ray's 41st Birthday.  Boy do I wish we were just waking up to make him breakfast in bed!

Ray would be so proud of his girls.  They are hard at work in school and in soccer.  Maggie plays with number 13.  Two nights ago Nora and Maggie watched the whole Vice Presidential Debate.  They are avid watchers of the campaign and they are super smart!  And sweet Lucy is growing up too, liking Kindergarten and playing with her friends.

Ray is always with us.  We remember him always, we talk about him always.

This fall we were introduced to a new organization, Mommy's Light.  The organization was founded to help kids remember a lost parent.  The girls completed an interview where they talked about their memories of their Dad and then they picked a special tradition that the organization will facilitate every year to help them honor these special memories. 

Five years ago, Ray took Nora to a White Sox game just by themselves.  It was the kind of tradition he would have kept up through the years and that is what the girls picked.  So two weeks ago we went to one of the last home games and remembered Ray.  It was a very special night filled with special memories.  The girls loved it and the White Sox won!

Work also continues with the Ray Fitzgerald Lectureship launched last year on Ray's 40th Birthday weekend.  The Lectureship Committee is planning for a 2013 event in the spring.  And next week I will have the honor of speaking to the Pontifical Council for Christian Unity about Ray and the vision of the Lectureship -- bringing greater understanding and unity to Protestants and Catholics.  I know Ray woudl be pleased and honored.

We are grateful for the continued prayers and thoughts of so many.  Though the rages of grief are far behind us, our special Ray left such a large hole that remains.

We'll gather with Ray's family this afternoon for a mass and to wish him a Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday Ray.  We love you and miss you dearly!

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

"He remembers his covenant forever, the promise he made, for a thousand generations"  Psalm 105:8