Loved Ones,
Easter and Lent are huge at our house. When Ray was little he used to give up TV for Lent and for the last two Lents, the girls have decided to give up TV along with a slew of other things. They are cut from some cloth those kids! They are determined and they do not falter! TV, candy, red meat and several other banned things shall not touch their eyes and lips.
The truth is, that after watching Ray suffer and die, Easter just has more meaning.
I just cannot think of Christ without thinking of him. I just cannot think of taking up my own cross without thinking of that load he carried. So like Christ, he carried it so well.
It both inspires and terrifies me!
I am so grateful for Christ's victory. He made victory for Ray possible. Victory over death forever.
I was thinking back to right after Ray died and I felt that sense so greatly. Victory. Over death for him. Life again in heaven.
Oh I pray Christ's victory for each of us. That as we celebrate tomorrow - the joy of Easter from the desert of Lent - that we can claim Christ's victory. Over death. Over fear. Over all that divides us from him.
not alone and not afraid -
kristin
"On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken. In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him and he saved us. This is the Lord, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation." Isaiah 25:7-9
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Lucy and Maggie's Birthdays
Loved Ones,
March is birthday month for two of the Fitzgerald Ladies. Today was Lucy's Birthday Party. She turns five tomorrow.
I was puttering around the house getting ready for the party and I just missed Ray. I remembered how for Nora's birthday parties I always gave him the job of the music when we played hot potato. He would download all the princess songs to his i-pod and he loved being the master of the music. I hate it so much that he wasn't doing the music for "Pass the Poison Apple" at Lucy's Princess and Knights party today. I know he would have loved it so much! He loved their parties!
These are the hard things to do without Ray! I get so used to the everyday. But the momentous occasions just aren't the same!!
I was at the grocery store the other day and "I'm Already There" by Lonestar was playing. It really made me think of Ray. And when I look at this picture of Lucy at her party, I see that sun in her hair and I think
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there
Oh Ray, I hope you were already there today.
not alone and not afraid --
kristin
"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20
Friday, February 3, 2012
Oh the Joy
Loved Ones,
We've had contagious illness after contagious illness, rounds of antibiotics and other medicines, strep, coughs, colds, strep, strep. We keep catching things over again and so I am constantly disinfecting. So in addition to doctors and medicines, sleepless nights and humidifiers, I am buried in a mountain of laundry and an avalanche of cleaning.
Almost anyone who has ever met me or been in my house will vouch for me that these are not my strong suits. A speech to write, a game to coach, a class to teach, a meal to cook, ANYTHING but cleaning and laundry.
I am a slave to the washing machine, changing out each bed each night, washing every item of clothing over and over.
And here's what I have to say:
Oh the joy to be a slave!
I wish you could hear me say it to know that I am 1000 percent serious. Oh the joy to only have to worry about tedious tasks. I will take this mountain and this avalanche over any I have already climbed.
I am so grateful for the laundry and the cleaning and the packing of lunches and the driving.
Oh to have the only tiredness I face be that from climbing the stairs over and over, the worry over only the amount of hot water I've used.
I know how blessed I am to face only this. To have food on the table and clothes to wash and fold. To have an illness that can be cured by a round of antibiotics.
Having been to that other mountain, it is a constant struggle for me to not fear it's return. And thus I am grateful for strep. I am grateful for laundry. I am grateful to have the opportunity to be the handmaid for my beautiful and precious girls.
not alone and not afraid --
kristin
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7
We've had contagious illness after contagious illness, rounds of antibiotics and other medicines, strep, coughs, colds, strep, strep. We keep catching things over again and so I am constantly disinfecting. So in addition to doctors and medicines, sleepless nights and humidifiers, I am buried in a mountain of laundry and an avalanche of cleaning.
Almost anyone who has ever met me or been in my house will vouch for me that these are not my strong suits. A speech to write, a game to coach, a class to teach, a meal to cook, ANYTHING but cleaning and laundry.
I am a slave to the washing machine, changing out each bed each night, washing every item of clothing over and over.
And here's what I have to say:
Oh the joy to be a slave!
I wish you could hear me say it to know that I am 1000 percent serious. Oh the joy to only have to worry about tedious tasks. I will take this mountain and this avalanche over any I have already climbed.
I am so grateful for the laundry and the cleaning and the packing of lunches and the driving.
Oh to have the only tiredness I face be that from climbing the stairs over and over, the worry over only the amount of hot water I've used.
I know how blessed I am to face only this. To have food on the table and clothes to wash and fold. To have an illness that can be cured by a round of antibiotics.
Having been to that other mountain, it is a constant struggle for me to not fear it's return. And thus I am grateful for strep. I am grateful for laundry. I am grateful to have the opportunity to be the handmaid for my beautiful and precious girls.
not alone and not afraid --
kristin
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
3 Years
Loved Ones,
Saturday will be the third anniversary of Ray's death. We will spend the day with family, honoring Ray with Masses in his memory and thinking of him.
It's hard to believe that it has been three years since he died. For Lucy and Maggie, it's been more time without him than with him.
But his memory is large. Even though he is not here, he is a constant presence in our family. The girls pray each night for Mommy and Daddy, not distinguishing between presence here or in heaven.
They know who smiles like him, who likes milk like him, that he would be glad that we were singing silly songs, that he would be embarassed that we made a fuss. They know him.
After Ray died a friend wrote me a letter and said that after some time the grief would subside and I would feel the wound of his loss less, and simply be grateful for the time that he was here. I think that's true. Though I'll always wish he was with us, though I still miss him terribly, I am truly grateful just for the fact that he was here at all. That he marked my life. That he gave me the girls.
And I know that's true for many of you.
How grateful I am for the mark he made on the world. On our friends. On our families.
Ray. We are thinking of you so much on this anniversary and always.
Love always,
kristin
"Give thanks to the Lord for he is good, his love endures forever." Psalm 136:1
Saturday will be the third anniversary of Ray's death. We will spend the day with family, honoring Ray with Masses in his memory and thinking of him.
It's hard to believe that it has been three years since he died. For Lucy and Maggie, it's been more time without him than with him.
But his memory is large. Even though he is not here, he is a constant presence in our family. The girls pray each night for Mommy and Daddy, not distinguishing between presence here or in heaven.
They know who smiles like him, who likes milk like him, that he would be glad that we were singing silly songs, that he would be embarassed that we made a fuss. They know him.
After Ray died a friend wrote me a letter and said that after some time the grief would subside and I would feel the wound of his loss less, and simply be grateful for the time that he was here. I think that's true. Though I'll always wish he was with us, though I still miss him terribly, I am truly grateful just for the fact that he was here at all. That he marked my life. That he gave me the girls.
And I know that's true for many of you.
How grateful I am for the mark he made on the world. On our friends. On our families.
Ray. We are thinking of you so much on this anniversary and always.
Love always,
kristin
"Give thanks to the Lord for he is good, his love endures forever." Psalm 136:1
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Happy New Year 2012
Loved Ones,
We had a wonderful time at Disney. We sure remembered our time there with Ray four years ago, and we made very special new memories together.
We thank you for your love and friendship in 2011 and we look forward to 2012 -- we pray for a year filled with faith, hope, joy and love.
Tomorrow would have been our 11th anniversary. How grateful I am for Ray. His mark will always be on me and on our girls. He gave us each other, and because of this, our lives will always be full of joy.
Tomorrow would have been our 11th anniversary. How grateful I am for Ray. His mark will always be on me and on our girls. He gave us each other, and because of this, our lives will always be full of joy.
not alone and not afraid --
kristin
My Uncle Sam read these verses at our wedding; how well they capture to me our task in walking this life on earth.
"Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your forehead. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas
Loved Ones,
We had a very nice Christmas. The girls were overjoyed with their Christmas present -- a surprise trip to Disney -- and we all look forward to heading to Florida in a few days.
As if I need to say this, but faith is everything.
I struggled this Christmas. I have learned enough about what to expect from the holidays that I know how to manage them for myself. And that makes a huge difference. We keep busy at the right times and I adjust expectations at other times and that really helps.
In addition, thanks to the Christmas chain, we just kept enjoying Christmas no matter how many errands were calling my name. (The Christmas Chain is my family's tradition -- one Christmas activity for each day. The girls and I are faithful to the Chain and we did all kinds of fun things together each day of December)
But the joy of the season was a struggle for me. To quote the lyrics of my favorite Christmas song Oh Holy Night, I really felt more the "weary world" than the "thrill of hope."
Even Disney. As glad as I am to go for the girls sake, I know it will be difficult, thinking of our last time there, just before Ray got sick, and wishing he could be there now.
But God is faithful. I was teaching Religious Ed a few weeks ago for Nora's class and I was reminded of one of the great truths from Ray's funeral. Thinking of what I had to do, bury Ray, I just thought, I can't do it! But when Father Brankin started the prayers and the liturgy, focusing on Christ, I knew I could do it. Likewise. When teaching Nora's class my mind was off of what I had to do, and focused on my source of strength. And I knew I could do it.
But far more than that. Through a variety of events over the season, God has shown me that he cares not just that I can do it. But how I feel doing it. Just, a reminder that he has joy for me. Not everyday!! There's been a long dry spell! But some days! And some moments!
My joy at this recollection is great.
I want to thank all of you who we heard from this Christmas and Thanksgiving. We love and adore all of our friends and we are tremendously thankful for you. You are part of the joy in our lives.
not alone and not afraid --
kristin
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."
Psalm 51:12
We had a very nice Christmas. The girls were overjoyed with their Christmas present -- a surprise trip to Disney -- and we all look forward to heading to Florida in a few days.
As if I need to say this, but faith is everything.
I struggled this Christmas. I have learned enough about what to expect from the holidays that I know how to manage them for myself. And that makes a huge difference. We keep busy at the right times and I adjust expectations at other times and that really helps.
In addition, thanks to the Christmas chain, we just kept enjoying Christmas no matter how many errands were calling my name. (The Christmas Chain is my family's tradition -- one Christmas activity for each day. The girls and I are faithful to the Chain and we did all kinds of fun things together each day of December)
But the joy of the season was a struggle for me. To quote the lyrics of my favorite Christmas song Oh Holy Night, I really felt more the "weary world" than the "thrill of hope."
Even Disney. As glad as I am to go for the girls sake, I know it will be difficult, thinking of our last time there, just before Ray got sick, and wishing he could be there now.
But God is faithful. I was teaching Religious Ed a few weeks ago for Nora's class and I was reminded of one of the great truths from Ray's funeral. Thinking of what I had to do, bury Ray, I just thought, I can't do it! But when Father Brankin started the prayers and the liturgy, focusing on Christ, I knew I could do it. Likewise. When teaching Nora's class my mind was off of what I had to do, and focused on my source of strength. And I knew I could do it.
But far more than that. Through a variety of events over the season, God has shown me that he cares not just that I can do it. But how I feel doing it. Just, a reminder that he has joy for me. Not everyday!! There's been a long dry spell! But some days! And some moments!
My joy at this recollection is great.
I want to thank all of you who we heard from this Christmas and Thanksgiving. We love and adore all of our friends and we are tremendously thankful for you. You are part of the joy in our lives.
not alone and not afraid --
kristin
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."
Psalm 51:12
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Ray's 40th
Loved Ones,
This Thursday October 13, would have been Ray's 40th birthday.
His friends and family will honor him in many ways this week, as they have throughout the summer at events such as the Third Annual Ray Fitzgerald Illinois Delegation Softball Tournament, and the Ray Fitzgerald White Lake Classic Golf Tournament.
This Friday night will be the inaugeral Ray Fitzgerald Lectureship at Taylor University. There, Ray's lasting legacy will be an annual lecture dedicated to Ray's Catholic faith, honoring him as an example of faith, to educate and inspire decades of Taylor students. All of Ray's family and mine will be present for this special event. And I will tell our story.
Reflecting on it as I have been writing it into my comments for this Friday is still very hard. Just as I honor Ray's dedication to his wife and daughters I miss his presence.
I am so proud of the way that Ray's life and faith did and will inspire so many. That it lives as a testimony of faith to the world.
As part of the lecture, I reflect that this was Ray's task for the Kingdom. His life, his Christian witness.
And now is my task. The telling of the story. The living of the life that continues. Still as a testament to faith.
A few months ago the reading for our church service was Matthew 11:30, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." The speaker explained that what was meant by "easy" was well-fitting.
I struggle to find the yoke easy and well-fitting. Yes, there are days, the good days, when I can praise God for all that has been accomplished through him from all that has occurred. And I can even say, well fitting, well suited, capable to the task. But there are many days when the burden seems anything but light, the task anything but well fitting.
And that's the truth of it.
There are just those tasks, those jobs in the Kingdom that are hard. The ones that don't have a lot of volunteers.
Ray had one of those jobs, the hardest of hard. And in a different way, I do too.
The struggle is to somehow find the task-master's presence enough to lighten the load. And to remember, and be at peace with, the breadth and importance of the task.
Ray did those things!!
And I pray these things for my life.
kristin
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
This Thursday October 13, would have been Ray's 40th birthday.
His friends and family will honor him in many ways this week, as they have throughout the summer at events such as the Third Annual Ray Fitzgerald Illinois Delegation Softball Tournament, and the Ray Fitzgerald White Lake Classic Golf Tournament.
This Friday night will be the inaugeral Ray Fitzgerald Lectureship at Taylor University. There, Ray's lasting legacy will be an annual lecture dedicated to Ray's Catholic faith, honoring him as an example of faith, to educate and inspire decades of Taylor students. All of Ray's family and mine will be present for this special event. And I will tell our story.
Reflecting on it as I have been writing it into my comments for this Friday is still very hard. Just as I honor Ray's dedication to his wife and daughters I miss his presence.
I am so proud of the way that Ray's life and faith did and will inspire so many. That it lives as a testimony of faith to the world.
As part of the lecture, I reflect that this was Ray's task for the Kingdom. His life, his Christian witness.
And now is my task. The telling of the story. The living of the life that continues. Still as a testament to faith.
A few months ago the reading for our church service was Matthew 11:30, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." The speaker explained that what was meant by "easy" was well-fitting.
I struggle to find the yoke easy and well-fitting. Yes, there are days, the good days, when I can praise God for all that has been accomplished through him from all that has occurred. And I can even say, well fitting, well suited, capable to the task. But there are many days when the burden seems anything but light, the task anything but well fitting.
And that's the truth of it.
There are just those tasks, those jobs in the Kingdom that are hard. The ones that don't have a lot of volunteers.
Ray had one of those jobs, the hardest of hard. And in a different way, I do too.
The struggle is to somehow find the task-master's presence enough to lighten the load. And to remember, and be at peace with, the breadth and importance of the task.
Ray did those things!!
And I pray these things for my life.
May Ray's example be my constant reminder and inspiration.
not alone and not afraid --
kristin
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
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