Ray's Birthday

Today was Ray's 38th Birthday. We celebrated in many ways; remembering the very best of Daddy's favorite things, sending balloons to heaven with Ray's family, celebrating the person we miss so very much.

Over the weekend and today, so many people expressed such tender thoughts about the friend they miss too. How much this means to us.

At a mass this morning for Ray, our priest said these words, "When our life is over, let us hope that the story of our lives is so much more beautiful than its cover (our outward appearance)."

How I wish the story of Ray's life went on much longer. But I am so appreciative of its beauty.

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

And then there was one

Loved Ones,

Maggie returned to preschool this week. Maggie's teacher knew Ray, we spoke in Nora's class two years ago about DC, so she knew Ray before he was even sick. And she is as close to a fairy princess as any preschool teacher I have ever seen. So I was excited about the year for Maggie. But Maggie had a hard time with school last year after Ray died, so we weren't sure exactly how it would go.

Here is the picture, and you can see for yourself.

I am so glad for God's healing hand for myself and the girls. Our grief and sadness for Ray are so big. We have a lot ahead. But I am so thankful to see healing and restoration along the way.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

Back to School

Loved Ones,

The Fitzgeralds have begun another school year with the start of first grade for Nora on August 19. And just tonight, her first grade soccer practice with Mom as Assistant Coach. Maggie doesn't start school until after Labor Day but she and Lucy had their first gymnastics class this week too.

Our days have been filled with milestones and we miss Ray very much. We know how proud he is. And we are glad for his love and the love of our Savior.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

Hearing Ray's Voice

Loved Ones,

Of all the things I search for, it is Ray's voice. Knowing what things he would want, doing what would have made him happy. Sometimes it is hard to know what choice he would make, sometimes harder to do what I know he would say. And then there are days that everything seems right and I know that we are exactly where we should be.

We had some moments like that this weekend and today. Cookouts with friends and family, caring for friends who've lost a loved one, and watching golf at the Solheim Cup in nearby Sugar Grove.

Oh how glad I am to continue to be able to strengthen the link between the girls and their dad.

"Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life." Jude 1:21

not alone and not afraid

kristin

White Lake 2009

White Lake 2008

Loved Ones,

We are back from White Lake. We had a great week there. Though it was heartbreaking to arrive without Ray, we felt very close to him, doing the things he did each summer since he was a little boy. It was great to be with his family as well. Uncle Joe renamed the White Lake Golf scramble in Ray's honor and made special shirts with his picture -- a lovely one of Ray at last year's golf event.

It is still very hard to believe that we were all together at White Lake only one year ago. And it is always very hard to get back in the car to go home without him.

Now that we are back at home, we are busy swimming every day so that we are ready to begin school on August 19! That's the first day of first grade for Nora so we are making the most of our time at the pool.

We are thankful for your continued prayers.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

Loved Ones,

We leave Friday (7/31) for Wisconsin for a few days with my relatives and then a week at White Lake with Ray's family.

This week each summer was the most heralded of Ray's childhood. It was his happiest week while battling cancer; the most normal of the days we had together.

I know we will desperately miss his presence there this summer, while knowing that we can't be far from his sights.

Lucy has been saying lately that daddy is following us home when we drive. She points to the moon or the clouds which do seem to follow our car.

I know he'll follow us to White Lake.

"If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:8-10

not alone and not afraid --

kristin

Six Months of Missing Ray

Loved Ones,

Though hard to believe, it was six months today since Ray went to heaven.

I find myself so surprised by this milestone. Six months seems like such a long time. It doesn't seem possible that we have been missing Ray in our daily lives for such a long time.

Perhaps in recognition of this, Ray was so present today. I dreamed last night that he was here. It was so wonderful and puzzling, and I told him that he couldn't go on any more trips.

In reading my emails, in hearing a joke, I know my husband would be amused. Oh how I wish that I could share them with him.

I am thankful for every dream, every memory, every thought that ties us to him.

"I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD." Hosea 2:19-20

not alone and not afraid --

kristin